The 58th Sometimes Annual Capitol Press Corps Skits are tonight. It’s the night when the media lampoons the Legislature and the governor, and the governor and Legislature may take a few shots back. It’s sometimes at least mildly funny, and there are adult beverages. More importantly, it pays for a scholarship fund for future journalists to make sure there continue to be people to put on the skits.
As a member (really!) of the Capitol Press Corps, I’ve offered in the past scripts for skits, one of which actually made its way onto stage.
Here is a script of how I would open tonight’s event. Mind you, I’m no Aaron Sorkin, but here goes:
The skit is titled “Justin Sayfie does the Press Skits”:
Whoever opens up the show comes out on to stage. Someone dressed up in a Sayfie Review shirt comes on stage at about the same time with a Blackberry and camera in hand.
Emcee: Good evening, welcome to the 2013 Press Skits. My name is…
Sayfie character: Good evening, welcome to the 2013 Press Skits. My name is…
Emcee looking at Sayfie character: Excuse me, can I help you?
Sayfie character: No thanks, I am fine.
Emcee: Right, and I am trying to get the press skits started here.
Sayfie character: Sure, sure. See, I am aggregating the press skits. It’s where I take all of the material from Press Skits, then I say it at my own Press Skits and, voila, I have aggregated the press skits.
Emcee: Wait a second. Let me get this straight … you’re gonna follow me around all night, take everything said on this stage and then just use it as your own Press Skits?
Sayfie character: Right, that’s called aggregation!
Emcee: Sounds like stealing to me.
Sayfie character: One man’s stealing is another man’s aggregation.
Emcee: But you don’t have any of your own material. You’re going to use all of our material. That’s stealing.
Sayfie character: Tomato, tomato.
Emcee: Get the hell out of here. Press Skits is for real reporters!